


meet me by my locker, babe

by Avacyn



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-08-12 22:58:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7952536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avacyn/pseuds/Avacyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A high school AU where Arthur is terrible at economics, Eames is terrible at calculus, Saito is head of the debate team, Dom squints at everything, Mal believes in true love, Yusuf can tell you about marijuana terpenes, Ariadne is your best bet for clocking Resident Evil, and Robert Fischer unwittingly drives two high school seniors into a fake relationship that they never suspected would matter a month later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just have to say a) I mother fucking adore foxxcubb, I don't want to rip her off at all, I just thought that it's been 5 years since she published her incredible fake boyfriends AU and I'm a sucker for them, so I tried to write one that I'd like to read - one that, I think, starts in a totally different way and goes in a pretty different direction to hers; and b) this will be updated, and it will be finished. Maybe not regularly, because shit always seems to be going down in my life, but the chapter plan's already written up - they're going to go to parties, and debating competitions, and parties, and the end-of-year drama performances, and parties, and they're going to hang out at the beach, and they're going to graduate. It's been an absolute fucking delight hanging out in the Inception fandom for the last year or so, by the way. I'm so fucking nervous to finally throw something out there, I honestly don't feel worthy of this incredible fandom. Anyway. Yeah. Let me know if you enjoy it.
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO: I'd like to dedicate this to my darling friend and high school lover. You know who you are. Thanks for encouraging me with this. I don't actually know your ao3 handle (probably something like 'iloveSterek3000'?) but, i love ya, and this is for you.

On the day it all starts, Arthur’s sitting in an empty classroom at lunchtime, waiting for Eames like he does every Tuesday, textbook already out of his bag. He doesn’t even know how fucked he is yet.

Arthur doesn’t mind tutoring Eames. Peer tutoring looks pretty good on college applications, and also gets you points with the teachers, which comes in handy when your best friend is a reckless, impulsive idiot. Arthur’s reputation as straight-laced, studious, and considerate towards his peers isn’t entirely accurate, but the vice principal is happy enough to hand Dom over to that version of Arthur whenever Dom does something stupid. Arthur’s played the straight man to Dom’s crazy decisions since they were five years old. Arthur will set Dom on the right track, the teachers assume, and mostly, he does. Cultivating a reputation as a goody-two-shoes suits Arthur pretty well.

However, Arthur is certain he would’ve quit peer tutoring by now if he’d had to tutor anyone other than Eames. Eames is determined to learn, to take advantage of the help with calculus, and he's always grateful to Arthur for the tutoring. Sure, he’s also annoying sometimes. The worst thing about him is his ability to talk off-topic nonsense without actually getting behind on what he’s doing – distracting Arthur, but not himself. Arthur comes close to losing his patience sometimes, but it could be worse. Besides, although Arthur is sometimes reluctant to admit it, Eames is pretty fucking funny.

“Fuck, Arthur, I’m in trouble,” Eames says, coming in and closing the door behind him, looking a bit panicked.

Arthur is standing before he even notices. “What? What happened? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, I just.” Eames pushes a hand through his hair. “I’m ok, it’s ok, you can sit down.”

Arthur sits.

Eames pulls a chair round so he's facing Arthur across the desk. He sighs. “ _Shit_. Arthur, can you do me a favour?”

“What, do I need to help you hide a body?” Arthur jokes, although he’s a little concerned.

Eames forces a laugh. “Ha. No bodies, but. Um, look.  Could you pretend to go out with me?”

Arthur accidentally flicks the pen he’s holding halfway across the room. “What _?_ ”

“Ok, wait, wait, let me explain first.”

And he does explain, a long, slightly rambling story about art class and Robert Fischer hitting on him and Eames blurting out that he was already taken.

“ _Why_ would you tell him that?”

“I don’t know, I panicked, didn’t I? I needed a better reason than ‘you’re too spoiled and I don’t fancy you!’  And then he wanted to know who it was, but I said we weren’t really telling people yet, but he’d probably hear about it by the end of the week.” Eames looks at him.... beseechingly, is the term Arthur would use. Arthur sees this look on Dom a lot. “ _Please_ , Arthur.”

 "Are you actually joking?" Arthur asks more as a reflex; Eames doesn't look like he's joking. At all.

“Just for a week or two! Then we can have a fake breakup and I can be fake heartbroken, and he’ll steer well clear.”

“He might want to be your rebound.”

Eames frowns. “That’s true. Maybe we ought to stay together longer.”

“What – no, Eames – look, I didn’t even say I would do this.”

“Will you do it, though?” 

“Why me?”

“Well, you’re already out of the closet.” This is true. Arthur dated an exchange student for a few months last year. Also, Robert Fischer for a few weeks the year before that, but Arthur tries to forget that ever happened. Robert’s quite sweet, and very attractive, but he's also  whiny, like only the son of a multi-millionaire can be, and thus also far too used to getting his way.

“I don’t know if people will believe we’re dating just because we both happen to be gay, Eames.”

“Well, we’re already kind of friends, as well... We have classes together, you tutor me. Cobb talks about you a lot –”

Arthur groans. “Does he? Really? Fucking Dom –”

“He only says good things!” Eames says hurriedly. “Like that you’re really good at graphic design, or that you’re always telling him to get to sleep earlier –”

“That makes me sound like his mother.”

“Anyway, I already know lots about you from Cobb, too. It’s plausible enough. Please, Arthur.” Eames looks hopeful, and a little pathetic. Dom is a pro at this look, too.

“Can’t you just… not tell Robert the name of the person you’re dating?”

Eames raises his eyebrows. “Arthur. There’s nothing that says “fake boyfriend” like “sorry, I can’t tell you his name, I promise he definitely really exists though.’”

Arthur sighs. “So you need a name.”

“Well yeah, I said we hadn’t really told anyone yet but that he’d probably find out soon. So I need a boyfriend by Wednesday at the latest.”

“Can’t you ask Yusuf?”

Eames laughs. “Are you joking? I think even trying to hold his hand would be asking a bit much of him. I’m pretty sure he’s straight, and even if he wasn’t, he _really_ isn't a good actor."

“Oh, but it wouldn’t be too much to ask to hold _my_ hand?”

Eames leans his elbows on the desk and puts his head in his hands. “Aargh. It probably is, but you’re a better actor than him, I know you are because I’ve seen you helping Cobb with his lines for theatre… Please, Arthur, just for a week.”

“What am I going to get out of this?”

Eames’ head snaps up. “Great, so you’ll do it? I don’t know, what do you want? Anything.”

Arthur considers. "Actually, I really need help with Economics.”

Eames snorts. “No you don’t.”

Arthur sighs. “I do.”

“You’re really smart! You’re probably better than me.”

“No, Eames, I just let people think I’m smart. I only answer the questions I know.” It’s true. “You’re much better at it than me.”

Eames blinks. “Yeah, um, yeah, alright then.”

“I need help with English too.”

“Fuck off.”

“I’m lying to the whole school for you, Eames! You can at least help me –”

“No, no, I just meant – do you really need help with English?” Eames frowns. “You’re a much better speller than me, I can tell that just from your calc notes.”

“I can’t grasp the ideas, though.” Arthur tries not to fidget with his highlighter. “I barely got a B- on my last essay, and I put a lot of time into it.”

“I didn’t know that,” Eames says, quietly.

 Arthur says nothing.

“Alright, English and Economics. Exhaustive tutoring. As much as you like. I can bake you a cake, too, if you want.”

Arthur laughs. “Okay, sure. But do you honestly think this is going to work?”

“Look, it might seem ridiculous to us, but if we’re convincing about it, no-one else is going to bat an eyelid. How many other couples do you second-guess when you hear they’re together?”

“None, Eames. But that’s because they’re all _real couples_ who are _actually in love_.”

“Were you in love with Fischer?”

Arthur frowns. “Uhh… no? I mean I thought he was cute, and it was nice to like someone who liked me back, but I wasn’t in love with him. That’s why I split up with him. He’s… beautiful, but he just expects everything. He's kind of arrogant like that.”

“That’s exactly why you should save me from him. I don’t want to deal with all that, he's not my type. Even if he is very pretty. I need you to make me unavailable.”

Arthur sighs. “I'll do it, but I'm warning you, I don’t know how convincing I can be.”

“I’ll do all the convincing! I’ll be smitten, and you’ll be cranky and uptight and not too happy about public displays of affection.”

“Are you saying I’m cranky and uptight?” Arthur asks, faux-accusatory, teasing. 

“I’m saying,” Eames says carefully, “that you could play that part very well. Plus, it might be fun. Fooling everyone. Everyone likes to have secrets. Arthur, please, I really need your help with this.”

Arthur consider, and finally nods. “Fine. Okay.”

Eames smiles; a big, broad smile, full of teeth. His eyes look blue today; they match his grey hoodie, kind of. “You’ve saved me.”

And even after that smile, Arthur has no idea how fucked he is. He can’t even begin to guess.

 "Ok," Eames says. “We’ll start telling people tomorrow, yeah? Is that alright?”

“Let me tell Dom, he might freak out a bit.”

“Why?”

Arthur shakes his head. “He doesn’t like… the unexpected.”

Eames hums. "Okay, fair enough.”

“And I need to tell Ariadne it’s fake.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s not stupid, she’ll figure it out. She’s too perceptive for her own good. And besides, I need someone other than you to discuss this whole thing with or I’ll go crazy.”

 

 

 

He texts her after school.

 

_Gotta tell you something_

_**Ok, what is it?** _

_I’m pretending to date Eames so that Fischer stops hitting on him. In exchange for help with Econ_

_**Woah. Ok** _

_But don’t tell anyone else that it’s fake, ok?_

_**Wait, so you’re telling EVERYONE you’re dating?** _

_Yeah. I think so, yeah_

_**Do you think people will buy it?** _

_Well, Eames thinks so._

_**Lol. Good luck then ;) ;)** _

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day One of fake dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2! I hope you enjoy it :) And, I have no beta reader, so I'm sorry if there are typos.

The next day goes surprisingly well.

He catches Dom at the lockers before class starts.

“Hey Arthur, what’s up?” Dom asks.

Arthur feels, ridiculously, a little nervous. “Uh,” he says. “I have news.”

“Okay, what is it?” Dom asks, pulling books out of his locker.

“I’m dating Eames.”

Dom turns to squint at him. “ _Eames?_ ”

“Yeah, yeah we kind of. Well, we got to know each other in peer tutoring, you know, I tutor him for calc.”

Dom blinks. “Really.”

“Yeah. He’s really funny, actually.” Arthur’s decided to stick to telling some version of the truth as much as he can, in an attempt to keep it believable.

“Huh,” Dom says. “That’s good, I guess. You haven’t dated anyone since David.”

“Yeah. Anyway. Better get to class.”

“Cool, I’ll see you in graphics,” Dom says.

 

He opens his phone to text Eames.

_I told Dom._

**_o yea watd he say_ **

_He said “that’s good I guess”_

**_lol. poor bloke_ **

_I think he believed me._

**_of course he did. were going to make a very convinsing couple arthur youll see_ **

_Should we delete these messages? In case someone reads them?_

**_hm yeah yusuf does like to steal my phone and riddicule my spelling_ **

**_and send people dirty txts_ **

_Oh. Charming_

**_shall we replace them with more convinsing msgs? ill start now_ **

**_have a good day in class darling, cant wait 2 c u at lunch ;) ;) ;)_ **

_For god’s sake Eames_

**_thats not very affectionate even 4 u darling_ **

_Alright, see you at lunch babe xxx_

Arthur sighs, and closes his phone, wondering what he’s gotten himself into.

 

 

His first class is Art History with Mal and Ari.

“Arthur,” Mall yells as soon as he walks into the room. “Arthur, you didn’t tell me!”

She dashes over. “Oh, I’m so happy for you.” She throws her arms around him, sways him back and forth. Mal is, as Ariadne would say, 'a hell of a hugger'. 

“I only just told Dom, I was going to tell you,” Arthur mumbles into her shoulder.

“I didn’t tell her anything,” Ariadne says smugly. Arthur shoots her a look. Serious for a moment, she gives him a thumbs up.

Arthur relaxes. Of course Ari has his back. And of course, she would never spoil something that makes Mal so happy.

“Tell me all the details,” Mal says as they sit down. “I didn’t even know you liked him! When did he ask you? Or did you ask him? I’ve never even seen you together! I know he’s nice, though; and he’s so funny too, he does Theatre with me and Dom –”

Thankfully, their teacher comes in then, and the three of them have to focus on Mannerist art for the rest of the hour.

 

In second period, his phone buzzes.

**_im in theatre with dom and mal_ **

_Oh god_

_What did they do?_

**_dom kind of nodded at me and gave me some kind of manly slap on the back nd said ‘make sure u treate him rite’_ **

Arthur laughs, even though he’s also cringing a bit. Christ. Dom. Dom is both the best and worst friend in the universe.

**_mal just keeps grinning at me whenevr she catches my eye_ **

_Sorry. My friends are all weird_

**_its alrite, shes got a beautiful smile_ **

**_she seems realy pleased for us_ **

**_right were doing improv so i have to go, c u at lunch xx_ **

_Ok xxx_

 

 

 

“I think Eames is going to sit with us today,” Arthur says as he sits down at their table.

“Oooooh,” Ariadne says, leaning into him. “Loverboy.”

“Ari, can you not?”

“What? I can’t wait to see you all sweet and smitten,” she coos at him, something glinting in her eye. Fuck. He shouldn’t have told her it was fake. Maybe they could’ve somehow fooled her too.

 _Just for the record, he knows I told you_ , he taps out on his phone, and then shows it to her under the table. 

He’s expecting it to be awkward and strange, and has to remind himself of the free-unlimited-econ-help side of the deal, but for some reason, lunch is hilarious.

Eames actually spends most of lunch continuing a conversation about an improv assessment that he, Mal and Dom had started in theatre. Arthur and Ariadne are talking about which Xbox game to buy next (Arthur wants Dishonoured, Ari wants Halo 4), but Arthur keeps catching Eames’ eye across the table and, for some reason, _giggling_. There’s absolutely nothing to giggle at, but he can't help it, they can’t stop. Maybe it’s just being complicit in something. Eames was right, Arthur thinks. Having a secret is kind of fun.

“I’ll have that, by the way,” Arthur says, reaching across the table to grab a chocolate-and-almond muesli bar out of Eames’ hands. If he has to be a fake boyfriend, he definitely deserves a muesli bar.

“Oi!” Eames says. “I don’t think so –”

“But babe,” Arthur says, straight-faced, “this is my favourite flavour.” 

Eames stares at him for a second, eyebrows raised, and then they both burst out laughing.

"Christ," Eames says. "Ok, darling. Whatever you want."

Mal is very happy about all of this. “Oh Arthur, look at you, I haven’t seen you smile so much for such a long time.”

Dom frowns a lot but Arthur knows he’ll get used to it.

“Are you coming to art?” Ariadne asks Eames. “We’d better go now.” The art block is over on the other side of the school.

Eames leans across the table to Arthur. “How fun is this,” he whispers, before getting up from the table.

Arthur laughs, despite himself. “OK, go to class, you’ll be late.”

“Wouldn’t mind being late on account of you,” Eames says, and does the most over-exaggerated winky face Arthur has ever seen.

Mal squeaks and flings her arms around Dom, squeezing him tight.

“Mallorie,” Dom says, sounding pained.

“I’m just so happy!” she says. Her accent sounds a little stronger, the way it always does when she’s emotional about something. “It’s true love, I can already tell.”

Eames raises his eyebrows at Arthur. "See?" he mouths.

"O _kay_ ," Arthur mouths back, then says, “I’ll see you in last period, yeah?”

Mal lets go of Dom to reach over and grasp Arthur’s hands. “You look so beautiful when you are in love, my darling.”

Arthur tries hard to make his smile look genuine.

 

Today has been fine so far, Arthur thinks as he walks to history with Mal. Having a secret is actually kind of fun. This is going better than he expected.

 

 

 ** _A+ skillz my man_** _,_ Ariadne texts him when he’s in history.

_Thanks_

**_I almost wouldn’t have guessed it was fake_ **

_That’s good to hear_

**_God, Mal’s over the moon_ **

_I know, I’m already dreading the breakup_

**_When are you breaking up?_ **

_No idea yet. Probably in a few weeks. Make sure Fischer gets the message first_

**_Poor Fischer_ **

_Oh come on Ariadne_

**_Yeah, yeah. He’s pretty deece at debating_ **

**_Plus, he was good enough for you once upon a time_ **

_Can we not_

_I was dating him when you wanted to be dating Avril Lavigne_

**_…_ **

**_Fine._ **

**_Anyway. Time to paint_ **

**_I’ll blow Eames a kiss for you_ **

_Frick off_

**_Love you Marthur Stewart_ **

_Go away_

**_Xxxx_ **

_Xxxxxx_

 

 

 

Fifth period, Arthur and Eames have English together.

Fischer is also in their English class.

“Hey Rob,” Arthur says as he passes Fischer’s desk, because he doesn’t want to be completely unfeeling.

“Hi, Arthur,” Fischer replies, not looking up from his copy of ‘The Great Gatsby’. Arthur wonders if he knows that it’s Arthur who’s ‘dating’ Eames.

Ms Martinez has already called the roll and is writing on the whiteboard when Eames comes in. Arthur looks up, gives him a friendly smile.

Eames grins at him, whispers “hello darling” in what can only be described as a very loud stage whisper, and then ducks down and _kisses Arthur’s forehead_ as he walks past.

Arthur blushes so hard feels like his face is burning; he must be bright red. At least blushing is an in-character boyfriend thing to do

Ms Martinez catches his eye; she looks more amused than anything. .

Well. If Fischer didn’t know before, he definitely does now.

They’ve been doing a character study at the start of each class; today it’s Myrtle. Arthur concentrates on taking notes. He can’t afford to miss anything if he wants to do well on his next essay, and it’s always nice and peaceful in English, because Dom is in a different English class.

A little after they’ve moved on to discussing setting, Arthur’s phone buzzes.

**_your hair looks gr8 babe_ **

He turns to look at Eames. “What??” he mouths.                                                 

Eames shrugs. “It does,” he mouths back.

His phone buzzes again.

**_#papertrail_ **

**_i wasnt lying about ur hair tho_ **

_Thanks babe_

_Wanna study after school? Xxxx_

**_absolutley. U can show me ur english notes_ **

_English notes or ‘English notes’?_

**_;) ;) ;) whatever u think I can handle_ **

_It’ll have to be my dick then, I don’t think you’re ready for my half-hearted critique of the jazz age_

Two rows behind him, Eames tries to suppress a laugh and fails.

“Mr Eames,” says Ms Martinez.

“I’m sorry,” Eames says, smooth as anything, “ah, I was just struck again by the laughable futility of Gatsby’s plight to win Daisy’s heart. I know it’s supposed to be a tragic story, but I can’t bring myself to feel bad for him.”

She tries not to smile, but it’s hard not to be a little charmed by Eames. “Is that so?”

“Yes. I mean, one could argue that there’s no point allowing oneself to feel any sympathy for Fitzgerald’s characters, as they’re all very much just metaphors for forces like capitalism or consumerism, but maybe to let one’s reaction to the text be shaped by literary criticism is too cynical.”

_You’re even better at intellectual waffling than Dom_

**_u wound me, darling_ **

_No, I’m serious, Eames. I’m impressed_

**_its a good skill to have_ **

**_being good with my mouth i mean_ **

_Yusuf better enjoy these texts_

**_he probabley will. dirty fucker_ **

“Arthur?”

Arthur drops his phone into his lap and clasps his hands on the table, putting on his best ‘who me? I’m utterly innocent’ face. Luckily, he caught enough of Ms Martinez’ question to make an attempt at an answer. “Uh… Weather is important to the text because it informs the…” Damn it, he’s read this somewhere. “Because it amplifies the mood of the scene, like how Jay and Tom fight on the hottest day of the year, and that’s also the climax of the story. Fitzgerald uses it as symbolism.”

She smiles. She’s actually one of Arthur’s favourite teachers. “Very good.”

 

They spend a few hours in the library after school, and the time passes pretty quickly, which is a pleasant surprise. Arthur's never been tutored before; usually he prefers to do things on his own, even if it takes him a long time.

“Hmm,” Eames says, flipping through Arthur’s English notes.

Arthur feels strangely naked, defensive. “It’s not my best subject.”

“We’ll get there,” is all Eames says, mumbling around the pen in his mouth. He gets a really intense look on his face when he’s concentrating; Arthur knows it from calc tutoring.

They go over what they’ve covered in class, and look at some extra resources Eames has found. It’s good; Arthur already feels like he’s getting a better grasp on the book, on what bits matter and why they matter.  Another thing about English, Eames says, is that you need to get the language right. You need to sound like you’re really convinced about these ideas. You need to sell it.

Arthur writes this down in his notebook.

Eames swings around in his chair a lot, which would be irritating, but Arthur leans back in his all the time so he has no real grounds for complaint. Eames also keeps fiddling with a lighter.

“Do you smoke?” Arthur asks. He’s never noticed the lighter before.

 “Not much anymore, trying to quit. I steal them off Yusuf sometimes when I’m bored. He’s far too easy to pickpocket.”

Arthur’s reading through the class handouts that Eames has annotated when Eames leans into Arthur and whispers in his ear. “There are some girls from class watching us, they’re over by the reference section.”

“You better make it worth their while then,” Arthur murmurs back.

“Hmm, alright,” Eames says. “I’m going to turn round and look at you really intensely like you’re the most fascinating thing on the whole planet.”

“Okay,” Arthur whispers, turning to meet Eames’ gaze, “I’m going to lean in and put my face really close to yours, because now that I’m in love I have no concept of personal space.”

“And I'm going to try really hard not to laugh because this is completely fucking ridiculous,” Eames whispers back slowly, looking earnest as anything.

“Exactly,” Arthur says softly, then bites down on his lip to stop himself giggling.

Eames’ eyes are dancing. “They probably think I just propositioned you.”

“I’d better lick my lips.”

Eames stares at his mouth. “This is going to be all over school tomorrow.”

Arthur licks his lips slowly. “Now I’m going to sigh really loudly and tell you sadly that we probably can’t make out in the library. But I’m going to look heartbroken about it because everyone knows gay teenage boys just want to fuck twenty-four-seven.” He does a theatrical, exaggerated sigh. “So you’re going to have to look sad, turned on and understanding all at once.”

Eames pushes a hand through Arthur’s hair. “I am so bloody close to laughing,” he says, through gritted teeth.

Arthur’s cheeks are hurting from trying to keep a straight face . “Read your fucking book,” he whispers.

“Ok darling,” Eames whispers back. “I’m going to stop touching you as well because I’m a model of restraint and decorum.” He takes his hand out of Arthur’s hair and picks up a pen.

Arthur looks over. The girls quickly pretend not to be looking at him.

He finally loses it and dissolves into laughter. Eames does too, turning away and hiding his face in the crook of his elbow to try and (unsuccessfully) keep quiet.

The librarian comes over to shush them.

“See,” Eames says, still stifling laughter as he reaches for another book of essays on Fitzgerald,  “you’re probably a better actor than Dom, let alone Yusuf.”

“Dom would either be terrible at this,” Arthur says, “or way too convincing at it. He turns into a bit of a method actor sometimes, it’s a good thing you couldn’t ask him.”

“What, do you think he’d fall in love with me or something?”

“Well, he always goes on about how ‘ideas are resilient, ideas are contagious’ and ‘the hardest thing to kill is an idea’,” Arthur says.

“In what context?”

“Him and Mal talk about weird shit when they’re stoned,” Arthur replies.

Eames laughs.  “I like your friends. Alright, give me your Hamlet essay too sometime, and I’ll take it home with me.”

“Thanks,” Arthur says, “I appreciate it.”

“You’re the one doing me a favour,” Eames says.

“True,” says Arthur. “Bring me a muesli bar tomorrow?”

“Anything for you, darling,” Eames replies, smiling as he zips his bag up.

 

That night, just as he’s falling asleep, his phone pings.

**_happy one day annaversery darling_ **

_Thanks babe. See you tomorrow_

**_not if i c u first_ **

_That’s a terrible comeback_

**_O really_ **

**_i would like u 2 no that i was going to say something els then, bt i refraned bc i didn’t want 2 b crass_ **

_Was it something like ‘you aren’t getting any come back off me’_

**_!!!!!_ **

**_Of course not. what does thateven  mean, arthur_ **

_It means go to sleep, Mr Eames_

**_you honnestly have a filthy mind darling_ **

**_good night xxxxx_ **

_Night babe xxx_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Mal turned out okay. Dom is a schmuck, but he's my favourite shmuck. Anyway, if you have any comments I would be overjoyed to hear them <3  
> Also, my tumblr: http://avacynner.tumblr.com/  
> Just bare bones at the moment, but planning to post a lot of Arthur. I mean, Eames as well. But, a lot of Arthur <3 <3 <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Two :)

The next morning, Eames blows him a kiss in Economics, and Arthur smiles and ducks his head like he’s bashful. The girl next to him whispers, “Awww!”

Fooling people is actually way easier than he thought it would be, Arthur thinks.

“Don’t forget, we’ve got the unit test on Friday, so do some revision of the different market types,” Mr Philips says as he hands out homework sheets.

 ** _want 2 do sum study today or tomorow b4 the test?_** Eames texts him.

 _That would be great_ , Arthur replies, and then, remembering that Yusuf might see their texts,   _thanks babe_ _xxxxxx_

 

He also has a message from Dom.

**_You gonna be at lunch? I brought Pringles  ~Ari is the best~_ **

_Yeah definitely_

**_Cool, see you there  ~Ari is the best~_ **

_You’re not coming to graphics?_

**_Mal wants to go get sushi. Can you take notes for me? ~Ari is the best ~_ **

Arthur rolls his eyes _.  Alright fine_

**_Thanks!!  Catch you later ~Ari is the best~_ **

Ariadne changed the tag on Dom’s texts last week and none of them have told him how to take it off yet, because it’s still funny.

 

Graphics without Dom is boring, but peaceful. Calculus is the same as always. Arthur enjoys it.

 

_Why are you doing Calculus anyway?_

**_i thout it mite b useful for econ_ **

**_u can use calc to compute marginil cost, marginil revenue_ **

**_econ is fucking fasinating, its just a shame it has 2 involve maths_ **

_Woah. Cool_

_It's good that we can tutor each other then_

**_exacly, were perfect 2gether darling_ **

_:)_

**_;D_ **

 

 

 

“So what house are you?” Eames asks Ariadne at lunch, as he slides over to make room for Arthur. “Hello, darling.”

“What?” Arthur asks.

Mal waves a book at him; _Harry Potter à l'école des sorciers._ “Ariadne needs to keep up her _française_.” It had taken Ariadne three painful weeks last year to decide to drop French so that she could take Art History.

“I’m a Ravenclaw,” Ariadne says to Eames. “Definitely. ”

“Oh yeah? Bright and inquisitive?”

“Nosy,” Arthur corrects him, accepting a kiss on the cheek as he sits down. “Very nosy.” Mal cackles.

“Don’t pretend you don’t like hearing my gossip,” Ariadne replies. “Anyway, Ravenclaw’s the best house, it’s for creative types. And it’s probably the most queer-friendly.”

“ _I’m_ a Gryffindor,” Dom proclaims.

“No, you’re not,” Arthur says, with a sigh. “We’ve talked about this.”

“I’m brave!”

“You’re _reckless_ ,” Arthur says. “And ambitious. You’re a Slytherin.”

“But they’re the bad guys,” Dom says, turning his big blue eyes on Ari like she’s going to back him up. She shakes her head.

“Nothing wrong with being a Slytherin,” Eames says. “I’m a Slytherin.”

“See,” Arthur says, “I love Slytherins.”

“I will still love you if you’re in Slytherin,” Mal says comfortingly, rubbing Dom’s arm.

“What _makes_ you a Slytherin?” Dom asks Eames, squinting.

“Thief, liar. Look out for myself. Do what I can to get on top.”

“Ayyy,” Ariadne says under her breath. Arthur elbows her.

“I’m going to take a test,” Dom says, frowning to himself.

Because he is very lovable but also obnoxious and infuriating, Dom always insists on using the speech-to-text function on his iPhone, even though it always takes way longer than typing something out. “HARRY POTTER SORTING TEST,” he enunciates at the screen.

“I didn’t hear you,” Siri replies.

“Just type it,” Arthur says, “for God’s sake, Dom.”

“No,” Dom says. “I’m doing it like this. HARRY POTTER HOUSE QUIZ.”

 “What house are you in, darling?” Eames asks. Arthur isn’t used to the ‘darling’ yet, it’s a weird thing to hear someone say.

“I’m a Hufflepuff,” he says, and Ari nods in agreement.

“Loyal, hardworking, a bit stubborn,” she says. “Which is a good thing.”

Arthur smiles. “Thanks, Ari.”

“Very hardworking,” Mal says. “And a good friend. A very good friend.”

“I can see that,” Eames says.

“Yeah, Arthur’s a nerd,” Dom says without looking up from his phone. “He always starts his homework the day he gets it.”

“Yeah, and other people’s homework,” Ariadne adds.

“You’re very lucky to have him, then,” Eames says solemnly.

“No,” says Ariadne, looking at Eames, “don’t you know? I mean he does other people’s assignments for money.”

 “HA!” Eames laughs. “That’s amazing, what do you charge?”

Arthur shrugs. “Depends what grade they want. Mostly it’s History essays. I’m good at research.”

 “Really?” Eames looks at him, lips curving slowly into a smile. “ _Ar_ thur.  I knew I was in love with you for more than just your handsome face.”

Arthur blushes a little, praise making him shy. “Shut up.”

“See, that’s cunning,” Ariadne says. “That’s not really a Hufflepuff thing to do. See, Dom, you can still have traits from a different house.”

Dom is frowning at his iPhone. “It says I’m a Slytherin. I’m going to take a different one.”

“I’ll take the tag off your texts if you stop being in denial about your Hogwarts house,” Ari offers, holding out her hand for his phone. “And I’ll give you the Pringles.”

“It’s a good trade,” Arthur assures Dom, as they swap.

“ _Fine_ , I’ll be a Slytherin then. You know, Eames forges hall passes.” Dom gestures at Eames with a Pringle. “That’s cunning as well, you two are a match made in heaven.”

Arthur slaps his hand down on the table. “ _That’s_ where you’ve been getting them.”

Eames grins at him, with his mouthful of crooked teeth. They suit him, though, Arthur thinks.

“Ahh, Arthur, we have such resourceful boyfriends,” Mal says with a smile.

“Yeah, they make pretty good use of those hall passes,” Ari says to Eames, and then whispers, _“THEY MAKE OUT IN DOM’S CAR”_.

Mal, unembarrassable, beams.

 “What about you?” Eames asks her.

“Gryffindor,” Arthur says.

“Definitely Gryffindor,” Ari agrees, nodding her head. “Fierce as a lion, but with a heart of gold.”

“I am only fierce when I need to be,” Mal says serenely.  

“My mate Yusuf’s a Ravenclaw, I reckon,” Eames says, leaning back and letting his knees hit the underside of the table so he doesn’t fall. “I always have to call him at 2am and make sure he hasn’t gone into a Wikipedia spiral. He’s addicted to information. Mostly it’s chemistry stuff that’s way over my head.”

Arthur nods. “I end up doing that sometimes, but it’s mostly about videogames.”

“Yeah,” says Ari. “Skyrim lore. Tips for Fallout.”

It turns out Eames is into Fallout too, so they spend the rest of lunch discussing which vault would be the worst one to be trapped in.

“The plant people one,” is Arthur’s choice.

“You always say that one. Did you know Arthur’s like, really afraid of being turned into a plant?”

Eames sucks his lower lip into his mouth, like he’s trying not to laugh. “I didn’t know that, no.”

“It’s just not nice!” Arthur protests. “It’s gross, I don’t want to be an experiment.”

“Technically they’re all experiments,” Eames points out.

“He’s also afraid of birds,” Ari stage-whispers.

“And corn chips,” Dom adds.

“Not _all_ birds,” Arthur says. “Just bigger than a chicken. Dom, I just don’t _like_ corn chips, there’s a difference.”

“The worst one for me would be the one with the panther. I’m very afraid of panthers,” Eames says solemnly.

“Are you trying to make me feel better?” Arthur asks.

“Yes,” Eames says. “Shamelessly. Is it working?”

“Kind of,” Arthur says, laughing a little despite himself. “Thanks, babe.”

“So sweet,” Mal coos.

“You’re both wrong, by the way,” Ari says, helping herself to Dom’s Pringles again. “The worst one is the one where the overseer dies so they keep cloning that guy, and he gets stupider and more violent every time. Gary? The Gary vault.”

“Vault 108,” Arthur supplies.

“Vault 112 would be the worst for me,” Mal says, brushing crumbs off Dom’s shirt. "Remember when we found that one? I don't like the idea of someone invading my dreams."

Dom nods in agreement. “What a horrible idea. We should play something cheerful this weekend, I want to try Little Big Planet. Hey Ari, are there any Pringles left?”

 

 

Eames offers Arthur his hand as they walk to English.

Arthur takes it.  Eames’ hand is wider than his, and warm. His fingers feel a little rough.

“What are you smiling at?” Eames asks.

“Oh. Nothing. I just – I was thinking, I haven’t held anyone’s hand in a long time.”

“I’ve never held a hand ever,” Eames replies. His eyes are grey-looking today.

“Oh,” Arthur says, trying to process. “Really?”

Eames smiles, a wry, rueful, close-mouthed smile. “I’m not usually the boyfriend type.”

“Does Fischer know that?”

“Well, I’m usually the friends-with-benefits type, which I’m equally keen to deter him from.”

“He’s probably an okay fuck,” Arthur says, shrugging.

Eames looks at him. “You think so? I don’t think so.”

“No? He was okay to make out with.”

“Just okay.”

“Just okay, yeah.”

“I think I could do better than okay,” Eames says, as they wander into English. Fischer is already there, gazing out the window.

“Looks like ‘just okay’ got here before us,” Arthur murmurs.

“Alright, everyone, sit down please,” Ms Martinez says, before Eames can reply. Eames squeezes Arthur’s fingers, tight, and then drops them and moves away to find his seat.

Arthur’s phone pings as he sits down.

**_i cant stop laughing fukign hell_ **

**_im glad fisher didnt c us_ **

_Why’s that? Think his poor broken heart needs a break?_

**_no he just mitve thout we were laughing at him_ **

_We were,_ Arthur replies _._

**_i still cant beleve you do asingments for money Arthur_ **

_I can’t believe it’s you who does those hall passes!_

**_wat can i say, im a bad boy_ **

_Oh I can believe it’s YOU, I just didn’t realise they were fakes_

_Really, Eames, they’re incredible_

**_o thanx darling_ **

_I assumed Dom was somehow charming them off of one of the admins_

**_i woudnt put it passed him, he probabley coud_ **

**_alrite u need to pay attention. i bet u u can anser a question this class_ **

_What do I win?_

_I knew you’d be a gambler_

**_muesli bar? ;)_ **

_You’re on xxx_

**_xxxxx_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Saito is also a Slytherin. I don't know about Robert. He could be a Gryffindor. I think he's pretty brave.)
> 
> Comments really appreciated, as always!! Come talk to me on tumblr if you want, avacynner.tumblr.com


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